Quiet Contradiction

Here’s something shocking I found –

Ive always considered myself an honest person. I dont like lying, hiding things or misleading people. For me, honesty has always meant speaking the truth.

But recently, I attended a session where we were discussing honesty as a value, and something struck me quite differently.

Honesty wasnt just about telling the truth to others. It was also about acknowledging what I genuinely think and feel. And that thought stayed with me.

How often have I agreed to do something I didnt really want to do, telling myself, Its fine, I can manage? How often have I convinced myself that something didnt bother me when, somewhere within, I knew it did? I may not have been lying to anyone else. But was I being really honest?

That realisation hit me quite hard. I found myself wondering whether I had been honest with everyone else except myself!!!

The more I thought about it, the more I began noticing how easily some of us do this in everyday life. We agree to things because we dont want to disappoint someone. Maybe convince ourselves that were happy with something because, logically, we have no reason to complain. And somewhere along the way, stop asking ourselves what we actually think or feel.

Interestingly, I remembered having a similar realisation about another value, harmony. Ive always valued harmony in my relationships and surroundings. I dont particularly enjoy conflict or unnecessary disagreements. But in the process of trying to maintain harmony around me, I had been willing to disturb the harmony inside of me.

And isnt that an interesting contradiction? In trying to live by a value I believed in, I was sometimes compromising the very thing I was trying to preserve. Of course, this doesnt mean I must refuse everything I dont want to do or express every thought that crosses my mind. I can still choose to adjust or do something for someone else. But at least I can acknowledge how I truly feel about it.

These two realisations have made me look at my values a little differently. Perhaps its not enough to ask whether Im practising them in my relationships with others. I also need to ask whether Im practising them in the choices I make every day..

Because what does it really mean to value honesty and harmony if Im constantly compromising both within myself!!!!

With time…

“Discipline”…. A dreaded word that sends shivers down my spine. During a recent bout of spring cleaning, I stumbled upon a diary that sparked a cascade of introspection, leading me to question the role of discipline in our lives. Could we truly thrive without its guiding hand? And what was needed to overcome the lingering animosity towards it?

I realized that my aversion to discipline hadn’t faded with time. It had merely transformed, lurking in the dark. But a breakthrough came when I dared to dissect its essence—to unravel the meaning, benefits, and practical applications. I realized that discipline was more than a mere concept; it was a dynamic interplay of elements.

Persistence — the unwavering commitment to pursue our goals despite obstacles and setbacks, a driving force.
Habit — the subtle yet powerful routines that shape our daily existence, that forges pathway.
Positivity — the optimistic outlook that infuses our endeavors with purpose and joy to go on, acts as a fuel.

With newfound clarity, I embraced discipline as an ally rather than a foe. No longer shackled by resentment, I welcomed its presence in my life, acknowleging its transformative power. To begin with the intent to see it with new light, I decided to rename it as order/ routine / schedule – words I feel comfortable with.

I embarked on my own path of self-discovery and growth – a journey of incremental change—Whether it was committing to regular workouts, dedicating time to personal development, and actively seeking opportunities to make a positive impact. Slowly but surely, I began to witness the fruits of my efforts in different ways. Each day brought new challenges and opportunities for growth, making an effort to push beyond boundaries reaffirming the transformative power of discipline in unlocking our fullest potential.

In the end, I discovered that discipline wasn’t a burden to be feared but a beacon of hope—a pathway to personal and professional fulfillment. And as I continue my journey, I carry with me the lessons learned and the conviction that with discipline, anything is possible! And name it anything now, it doesn’t really matter. What’s your belief and thoughts on discipline?

Createe-Witty!

What is #creativity! Is it an inborn gift, skill or can one develop it?

Go to think of it, I can see it almost everywhere! In #cooking, in #photography, in a dressing sense and ofcourse art forms like dance, music etc. So what is it? I think, it’s a flavour, a view, a twist to add that can be added to basic things around us. It could be a thought #process towards solving a problem, a way of expression in any communication, an innovative #idea, maybe more.

So then what’s the big deal? Go get creative, simple! Well, that’s when the other side of creativity hits it – that shows you how horrible you are, obviously as compared to others and also that perfectionist in you stops expressing anything less than the others. There could be more things coming in the way, like a feeling of being blank or a fear of what others will think of what you write and if it will connect to the public etc but the bigger question is – What do I do about it?

I’m almost tempted to say, go meet a #Coach, cause it does work in clearing a lot of those blocks. But what I also believe in, is that Creativity is an #energy! It’s there in everyone in different ways and varying levels. It just needs to be given space, handled with love and treated with patience to be nutured. And if the energy isn’t handled or spent in creative ways, it will be used up somewhere ultimately which could be negative, unwanted, lets just say not-so-creative for now. For all you know, you might not even be aware where and in what ways is the energy being worked up. I would have to admit, I say this cause of my work and belief in the energy within and around everywhere.

Now, I’m not gonna give tips and tricks to fix it, all I’m saying is be more aware of your creative energy and let yourself explore far and wide. Let it grow and flutter in ways it chooses to be! Like I chose to write this!

To every wo-man..

Woman’s day!

What is the big deal about this day? Celebrating what? Does it make this day any different from any other?

People talk about women being this superhero, women being equal to men, about giving more power to women this day and forever. But my question is why women!!! Please don’t get me wrong here, I’m a woman myself and understand and feel everything being said, but I think this is pushing it too much.

I would rather put it like this – It’s the celebration of the feminine side of every individual. It’s about recognizing, that inside every individual lies a feminine side and a masculine side. It’s about giving both sides within self that equality, about not being ashamed to glorify the emotions and actions that are associated with the feminine side. It may differ and vary in intensity in each but lets pay attention to what is that and nuture, love and respect that!

Like the sun and moon that exist on the same planet, don’t coincide on qualities but exist in synchronicity with each other. Giving light to different places in different ways, yet their both beautiful and needed.

So my wish to every soul on this planet – May this day bloom that stillness yet vigour; that flexibility yet stability, that unconditional positive regard for every thought that arises within self to give it the necessary direction and elements to flourish. Love….

Life is so simple..

Life is so simple, why complicate it! What makes it necessary to define a vision, a purpose, a direction. What if I have no idea where I’m heading with what I’m doing! Maybe if I wanted to build a house, buy a car, give the best education to my kids I’d be ready to slog my days and stay focussed and achieve my goals. But what if I have no such goal, my only thought is to live my today the best I can do for this moment. Is that then my vision, my purpose, my direction?

To flow with the wind as I please, or be the wave in the water as it goes ; none having any intention of reaching anywhere, just take it as it comes. No worry of the future, no regret of the past, present in the now! I can feel the breeze against my skin, smell the air that flows past me, see the beauty that lies ahead of me and hear the sweet noises around me. I smile away… Life is so beautiful, why make it complex.

Who’s that there!?

Heard of that voice in your head that tells you “How could go wrong here!”, “What were you thinking?”, “If you don’t be regular at this, you won’t get it right?”. Well sounds like a strict one! But there could be another milder version, giving you positive affirmations like : “Wow, you did it”, “Lets keep trying this, it will happen!”.

However that same voice could be making some nasty judgements of people and situations around you as well. Some could be “Oh this person has a nice accent… he must be..”, “ This program is at a good location, it would be…”, “That house looks unkept, bet the people won’t be…”

Well to start with, judgements were our basic survival skill to judge the situation and anticipate danger and then act accordingly. But with time, lets admit it, we have gone overboard with it. I mean judging everyone and everything and every situation is not necessary. And trust me it’s something that we very unknowingly do within our head, you wouldn’t even notice unless you are listening to yourself.

And wondering where I’m going with all this? Well, coaching taught me to not judge a coachee. But that opened me to realising how much I do judge! With time I saw it not only am I judging others but myself too. That made me aware that the voice in my head tells me a ton of other instructions and orders… it’s endless! I wondered, to myself, do you ever shut up!

That made me think, why does our mind speak so much at all. To warn us, to prepare us, to help us, to teach us, many more. So do we really make the right use of the voice? Is it in a positive construct? How could I make the best of it, yet not overly rely or continue the chatter in a downward spiral? Here are a few tips that make sense to me :

80-20 Rule – Coaching teaches us the concept of letting the coachee speak 80% and coach speak 20%. Then can I apply this and let myself think 20% and rest be observant, open, aware and present to my surroundings and situation. Being silent could help a great deal in observation as well.
Catch your spiral – If you find yourself going in a downward or a negative spiral you’re most probably beating yourself for a wrong decision or act. That just brings all the emotions down and nothing seems right then. Well if you can pull yourself back for a few secs, take a deep breath and take a few mindful moments. Then try to see what’s the lesson learnt or how you can convert it into a positive moment. Actually I’ll let you connect to your positive self in your style!
Listen to yourself – That sweet mind of yours is, actually, indicating something to you. Someone said something that hurt you, something you missed doing or maybe some habits that just don’t let go of you even though you want to. Listen to it and give it the attention it is looking for. Empathize with yourself for a few mins and acknowledge the trigger that caused the chatter to begin in the first place. Rest is up to you!
Label the voice – Try looking at your voice as a third person and find a name for that voice. It helps you identify what that voice is making you do. Being a strict person who gets things into order, or a finder of faults in everything around, or even a cautious side being overly prepared for the worst! Well, take a moment and think what you would want yourself to be or feel in that moment. See what is the lesson learnt?
Trust in yourself – If you truly believe in yourself and listened to the voice sorting that voice and the noise, then you could do wonders! Find your superpower line – “ You can do it”, “ you have it in you”, “ there’s nothing that I stop me”, I’m a beautiful soul… create it, say it and believe in it!

Let me just say this is my order and what works for me. What’s your voice like? And then…?

Leading through Infinity

If life is a game, are there other players?

What are the rules of the game?

Is there an umpire?

What decides how well I played?

I recently attended a WBECS session by Jeremy Hunter where I learnt about the concept of the inner game and the outer game. It speaks of the inner self-talk you have within yourself, of your values, assumptions, beliefs, ideas, and emotions. And then there is the outer side of the world you deal with where you interact with other people, attend team meetings, maybe need to manage an organization, consider the larger ecosystem. In short, listen and observe attentively to the world outside you. This concept was described in the symbol of infinity with inner game on one side and outer game on the other.

Now, if you imagine any situation you are in, there would be no doubt instances of an inner game and outer game. You could look at this as a state of being and state of doing as well. The way I see it is there can be multiple loops that happen, but we should be watchful to not get stuck in one loop for too long. It is necessary to gather all the data and information you collect in your outer game and then run it through your inner game. Once this is sorted, go ahead and take the plunge into another loop of outer game continuously processing it within your inner game. These could be commitments, plans, discussions or even a disagreement. The journey of moving between your inner game and outer game is, what I call, the dance of infinity!

Dance, for me is flowing, rhythmic, relaxing. I believe, your awareness and ability to segregate the important from the trivial would make the dance elegant.

This also reminds me of Timothy Gallwey’s Inner Game of Work which explains how your Performance depends on your true Potential without Interference.

Performance = Potential – Interference

This concept brings about the most brilliant possibility of every human being having the capability of reaching their highest potential. All one must do is figure out what the interference is and deal with what does not resonate with you. My reflection so far, through my coaching journey, has been that non-acceptance of self and others is the biggest interference.

Being aware of and dealing with interference in the inner game for now, has made my dance between inner game and outer game more graceful. Through the infinite possibilities I find answers to my questions:

If life is a game, are there other players?

–“I define my game as a single-player game, others I interact with are a part of the game“

What are the rules of the game?

–“I decide the rules of my game based on my own beliefs and values“

Is there an umpire?

–“It would be myself who be the best judge of what is fair and according to my own set rules“

What decides how well I played?

–“I see life as a journey of many levels. I will at every step evaluate my own game, analyse how well I played, reward myself and keep dancing away through infinity!“

This is my game of life and dance of infinity, are you ready to define your game?

To my daughter, Risha.

When I got married, I was so passionate about kids and raising them. Feeding them all around the house and playing with them was the best thing for me to do.

Then it was time for me to be a mother. I felt prepared, I wanted to be her friend, I wanted to let her be what she wants to be, I had things I said I wouldn’t do as was done to me. I was so excited and scared at the same time of whether it is going to be easy as I had always thought of it or not!

When I became a mom, I was all around the place! Suddenly the world turned around completely. All of a sudden the focus shifted from her to me. I felt I didn’t get enough sleep and my time was not constructive enough. I felt she wasn’t eating well and I couldn’t figure out what to feed her and when and oh how much. She was growing just fine, slowly I began enjoying moments too with her playing and laughing, but was I letting her grow the way she wanted to? I was getting still somewhere getting frustrated with managing this kid all day long. Where did that ideal goody feeling all go? Why was it there in the first place?

With time I had figured out smart ways to get things done for her and myself. She was finding fun in drawing and music and I was getting space to be able to have fun and learn. Every time I was stuck on how to teach her things from potty training to writing alphabets or learn a particular habit of being clean or playing safe, it all went my way. Anyways she had no idea of her own so she might as well do it as I say! Till what time will she do what I say. I learnt with time, she had didn’t know how to do things unless I told her how, she didn’t know what to do with time unless I gave her the options! How and what in the world have I done now! It took me time to understand she was the innocent one, it was all cause of me. My quest to solve this puzzle I created, helped open my eyes to some deep unbelievable facts. Out of all I learnt from seminars, sessions, parenting workshops here are just a few that blew me off.

Fact : Children learn from what they see. From learning to talk and walk till actions and reactions all they do is imitate us!

This helped see the patterns in me. I noticed her imitate my style and I hated it!! Can you believe it! Well if I couldn’t even see it, then why did I act that way in the first place. And this is just one, how many more exist and how much more will I have to watch myself. Where am I in all this?

Fact : By emotionally punishing children we are unknowingly evoking emotions and many negative statements within themselves.

Well it’s one thing to physically punish children and if you don’t do that, don’t be too happy yet. Cause you could be punishing them with your words and silence too. Now did you know that! This is what connects to her not able to do or decide things on her own. I would tell her always how to do it and how her ways to do it were not right or clumsy or incorrect that with time she believed her thoughts were not good enough. Hey that’s not what I meant with it all. And this is just one thing I have made out of her, there are a million other thoughts I might not even find out about.

Which all emotions of hers do I follow and correct? How do I not make more mistakes? What a fool I have been to feel and think of myself as a expert? But does that make a not good parent? Does that mean how much I did and my ways were all wrong. Well that’s what life is all about!

So Risha, to you. I’ve tried and been what most can be done at every moment. Being the best I can, doing what I believed to be the right thing at that particular point in time. I have realised a lot of things being wrong yet I am happy at the way we have been working on correcting things slowly. I may not have been your best friend but I know I am not your worst enemy. I know I will reach closer to you by every step I take and learn in life. Just believe in one thing always, I love you for everything you are and you are not. It’s all just fine and beautiful. Just like this mandala painting we did together. We might have done many mistakes in it which only two of us will know but we did it cause we trusted that it was the best at that point in time. It may be wrong or could be better, but we could correct it in our next painting, next step in life. And with that come, Risha, lets discover life together at each step believing, trusting and being aware to our actions and reactions. I completely have faith in us and life ahead. Are you in with me on this?

What now I question myself is that I have a son who’s just growing up and I have no observation or connections like I feel and realized for my daughter. So is it that I have sorted myself out or that I have a bias of some kind or maybe a shadow I don’t see, all which I will open my eyes to only a few years later. Well lets just be open to learn at every step and do the best in the here and now, that’s good enough!

What is it I am looking for!

Never did I realise that I choose from my surroundings what I want to know about! Least did I know that, at times it infers, I just close myself to another person’s world and all I think of was myself! I mean, I knew I was lost in my own world of me and my noisy head but I didn’t realise what I was missing out on, by being blank, to the rest happening around.

A few years ago, I started slowly became aware of myself. I began observing my feelings, my thoughts, my behaviour and went a level deeper and slowly began realising my triggers, my defence mechanisms, my switches and my healers. Now these are a ton of things that all exist within my body. These emotions and reactions come out in different ways, at different times, for different people. There is so much more to me than I did know.

Having realised these different realms of myself, I was in a phase of self-discovery and self-experiment. It undoubtedly took me a level deeper into understanding myself, well not all of it, but it’s a never-ending process of observation and improvement. Then I was surprised with another world. The world that existed outside of me, but with me as a union in ways. I was now awakened to see how my behaviour affected another person, I was opened to a world of an impact, I could make or break by my actions and reactions! Oh wait, hold on, take it slow.

When you drown into yourself the first time not knowing how to swim it could be overwhelming and you could feel out of breath, you don’t know about your own values, beliefs, emotions and don’t know what to take of it all. But once you learn more and more then swimming around your inner self is bliss and having touched the lower tip of the iceberg(that you believe is the lower tip) and then coming above the sea level is ecstasy!

Well I’m enjoying myself in this world beyond words. Having as much information, I began dwelling about it and making slow and steady changes in myself, overall. It did shake me at times and I felt lost, but I had people and an instinct that helped me make the best decision for the moment. And like this wasn’t enough, I was struck again. For reasons and awakenings, I decided to take up training on being a Life Coach. And now suddenly they say, it’s all about the Client. It slowly dawned upon me that I have to stop thinking about myself and keep aside my emotions and let myself flow with what the client wants. Well, I’m not used to that, my own judgements, my own values, my own experience influence me. How do I consciously keep that aside!

With this came my next learning, of being able to make a choice and step back or rather step out of your own world and enter another’s! And this made me feel like the world is not all about me. I never ever thought it’s a choice I make so unconsciously that I didn’t even realise it. So, to explain this a bit more of choices you make here is an example. I very naturally drive my car around and this still somewhere is a process of being aware of my surroundings and traffic around. I do this so much at ease that I didn’t realise I’m still processing data within my head. Here my purpose and intention are very clear and hence my choice, my sensing is focussed.

That made me think then that, I am so within my own thoughts and emotions, so much with what is expected from me at that moment and what I am supposed to be saying that I don’t make a conscious choice of being completely aware and fully present for the person opposite to me and hence I am not able to sense and be there for the other person. This then applies to other scenario’s too, such as, a confrontation at office or at home, a deep moment of sorrow of another, a share of joy someone else went through. Have you ever been through this, of not being your complete self, not being in the present moment but running in your head moments of your own, thoughts and emotions of your own? Well try stepping out of your movie and entering another’s in a whole self of purity!

By entering first the world of a deeper self and then moving to understand how I impact others and now slowly stepping into another person’s world where I leave my definitions of knowing behind and completely let myself love another person’s life and appreciate or support their growth. I just wish to close my eyes and let go of myself, enough of me and I. With no absolute benefit of self, how about smiling for someone else now, how about feeling what they must be feeling at this moment, how about being curious of their world, how about just being completely in the here and now!

Not too sweet,not salty, just right!

Balancing is quite an act! Its takes quite an effort to bring balance, but you appreciate balance more when there is an imbalance. We know too much of anything isn’t good. Well it could then be too much salt, sleeping too much, laughing too much or thinking too much! And anyways too less of these ain’t doing good either. Now this level of too much and too less differs for each. It really is eventually all about balance. A balance between opposites – the good and the bad ; the right and the wrong, the angel and the devil, but at an individual perspective!

With time I understood balance is not only horizontally! But it can be vertically too. Then it can’t be the right or wrong. How now, would I find equilibrium. If they are similar things, stacking them is easy. Now they can’t be contrast as well, they have to be complimentary then. Also, where do I balance life vertically? Well the best thought I have had so far are the chakra’s in our body. But what do I do to balance them.? Meditate, eat healthy, learn ways of life and bring peace from within. However, here I don’t even realize if they are out of balance or so to say contrasting or complimenting each other! I need help from people and patience and concentration to go within self.

And then I came across a different dimension, the 2D version of balance and that is the Ying Yang! For years now it speaks of the balance of life. This made me think, what is this about now!! Well I take it as a balance of our values and our feelings. This also speaks of the same things we experience horizontally and vertically but according to me it’s at a different level altogether. It’s the heart of your life, your existence, you in a nutshell.

For me, finally, all this is mind, body and soul ; thoughts, action and feelings/values ; vertically, horizontally and virtually, all a balancing act! And this is the real you, balancing yourself through all these dimensions, making yourself complete! You are the best and the only judge of yourself. It’s just about opening your “third” eye – pun intended- and be that outsider looking within yourself to find that imbalance, bring balance and make peace. There’s much more to what one can see!